WLSU, 14 Kinds of Ketchup - Guest Speaker

How hard can that be? Get some ketchup from the grocery store. Problem was, there in front of me, staring at me like a Martian in a nightmare of inundation, were exactly fourteen different types of ketchup: classic, sugar free, spicy jalapeno, carrot ketchup, no-mato, restaurant style, chili-pepper ketchup, ketchup with a blend of veggies, curry ketchup, Tapatio, habanero, rainbow ketchup for kids, some fancy pants organic stuff in a glass jar, and the ever present Heinz 57. I stood there looking at each one. The list just said "ketchup." So, which one do I choose? I started reading nutrition labels and checking prices. I felt my heart rate increase steadily as I broke into a cold sweat.