The Song I Believe - The Rev. Philip DeVaul

Over the years my faith has ebbed and flowed, my desire to be close to God has sometimes been strong, and other times I have doubted the very existence of the God I worship and have dedicated my life to serve. And I am often frustrated or even horrified by Christianity as I see it being expressed around me – as a tool of judgment, ostracization, oppression, and violence.  

At the age of 13, raised and immersed in church culture, I had read Paul’s words many times before. When this time it found me I was spiritually adrift and obsessed with the idea that I needed to figure it all out – that I needed to prove God’s existence and then reach that proven God on my own power, to find Jesus, to know exactly what I believed and to live it just right. And then I heard Paul say that before I had ever even thought about reaching out to God, God had already reached out and taken hold of me. And all I can tell you is in that moment I believed it.  

And, God help me, I still believe it.   

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