Roommates - The Rev. Philip DeVaul

I was very nervous to share with Cory that I had become religious again. And he certainly was skeptical about it and had no problem sharing that with me. When eventually I decided to become a priest in the Episcopal Church, Cory said, “I have mixed feelings. I think you’ll be very good at it, but you’ll be leading people into a lie.” That was maybe the meanest thing he ever said to me. And when you think about it, it wasn’t actually all that mean. Tactless and insensitive, maybe. But heartfelt and honest and completely in keeping with years of our interactions. In fact, it was much less cruel than many things I had said to him in our time. I wasn’t even phased. “I know, man,” I said, “I know you think that. Thanks for saying I will be good at it.”

Cory once said that if he was right about there being nothing after you die, he would be very annoyed, because he’d like just a moment after death to know he was right. I love the audacity of that so much.

He asked to come to church with me a few times. He expressed desire to see me, as he said, “do my thing” once I had become a priest. He loved me, and was proud of me, and did not act like his feelings were mixed. And he continued trying to understand his own spirituality on his own terms. He explored and wondered and tried and thought and wrestled. I don’t know where he was with all this when he died, but I have no doubt he never stopped being curious and hopeful.